Baba died on 25th Oct. We knew it was coming. But the end was abrupt. Sometimes I think how each of us has coped or dealt with the death. Lets do it one by one:
Ma: Surely she was spoon-fed all her life by baba. So sometimes she is finding it difficult when she meets the harsh reality. She is not always confident whether she will be able to handle situations alone. She will perhaps miss the support for a few more months and then get adjusted to the change in her life. Its like the person who has his leg amputated. He misses it for a few months, but later knows that moving forward this is how he has to live. Overall, her handling the situation has been quite good.
Gudiya: We know what death is. But to Gudiya baba has gone to God to get treated. When she grows up she will , eventually, understand the meaning of death. She is very much hopeful of baba coming back. She talks a few times about him and how she plans to "scare" her dadai once he is cured and back. She has plans how she will explain baba that GOD took him from us and returned him to us. When she gets to know that her dadai will never come back she might feel a sense a hollow, may be disappointment. All that she will have then is memories, just like I have about my dodo, gaga, thamma, dadu, dida....But her treasure of memories with her dadai will be much less. Only yesterday she said to ma that "dadai" loved her more than "thamma". How does she perceive baba and how much will she remember about him...only time can tell.
Debreena: I haven't discussed about it with her. But once or twice at the dining table or cooking something dad used to love, she did comment about baba. Or may be how baba would have reacted to particular situation. She keeps a constant watch on the garland that we have placed on baba's photo. Its almost always her who points out that the flowers have withered and buys a new one from the flower seller. Her level-head and caring nature, both during my father's illness and after his death, deserves appreciation.
Bhai: I see reflection of baba's behaviour on him. Ma agrees with it. Somewhere he has become too sentimental and emotional about dad. This I found from the first day we came to know about the beginning of the end. He stretches himself, sometimes too much and then feels lost and bewildered. He has a good heart, but somehow , in this matter, he may not be able to express his good intention always. Is it a lack of maturity or ,may be, just that we all are different?
Satakshi: Not sure of her reaction. She was very keen to fly to Hyderabad, which did not happen. As a doctor she has seen a lot of deaths.So wont be surprised at all if she was not at all "shaken" by the death. To be honest, baba died 2.5 yrs after her marriage. So, in a sense, I dont know how much she knew him, talked to him and spent time with him to know him more as a person. Its one thing that you feel for someone because of a relation and another that you feel because of how much you know the person.
Khepo: Another person about whose feeling I cant say much. Again, feeling comes from relation and from knowing the person. Bitter mis-understandings between baba and khepo for decades ruined their sibling life. So, my guess, Khepo felt sad...might have even looked back and thought there was no need for all the bitterness. So, I dont think that he is really missing his brother....as they hardly spoke or met each other in the last few years, though they both stayed under a common roof. His only haunting thought can be, my brother has gone...does that mean I am not far behind?
Others: They will talk about him when they meet ma, bhai or me. But at the end it will not matter to anyone else. Baba was never the social type or someone who would go that extra mile to help someone. So, for the rest of the world, its a friend, a colleague, a neighbour or a relative who has passed away.
I: Do I miss him? Hand on heart,no, not exactly. Over the last few years I did not get anything new from him. In fact, it was quite often "negative vibes" that I received from him and I told him the same too. Whatever I did, I took my own decision and just marked FYI to him. Sometimes I feel sad and hope he was around to enjoy time with us. He did make some mistakes which have become prominent after his death, like not making ma financially independent or , for that matter, not making ma independent in any way. When my daughter was born, the first time I saw her I was not overjoyed, to be honest. I was more focused on doing the formalities and get the things on track. I knew I had a full life ahead to be overjoyed. When baba died my mind was so full of all the things that needed to be done, that , perhaps, "striken with grief" was something that my mind did not have time for.
I: Do I miss him? Hand on heart,no, not exactly. Over the last few years I did not get anything new from him. In fact, it was quite often "negative vibes" that I received from him and I told him the same too. Whatever I did, I took my own decision and just marked FYI to him. Sometimes I feel sad and hope he was around to enjoy time with us. He did make some mistakes which have become prominent after his death, like not making ma financially independent or , for that matter, not making ma independent in any way. When my daughter was born, the first time I saw her I was not overjoyed, to be honest. I was more focused on doing the formalities and get the things on track. I knew I had a full life ahead to be overjoyed. When baba died my mind was so full of all the things that needed to be done, that , perhaps, "striken with grief" was something that my mind did not have time for.
