B'day celebration

Today chote and I celebrated our birthday together at Chote's house. This may be the penultimate time that father was with us in the celebration. Though, honestly speaking, he seemed to be present only physically. Didn't see him smile a single time. He seemed hopeless. Someone who claims to be above intelligent and well-learned, I expect him to take the blow on the chin and live a spirited life. He should be cheerful rather than gloomy.
Looking at him I felt that he is just counting his days. He does not enjoy living any more. He has left all hope of living a healthy quality life. This is something that has not been pleasing me. He no longer loves life; seems, he is considering it more of a burden. Sad. Deeply depressing. Because for the last six months we have been putting efforts to make him better and lead a better life.
Our ancient philosophy says soul is immortal, the physical body is mortal. If the soul inside him feels caged in his physical body, if the soul no longer has anything new to look forward to by keeping itself in his body, it may soon find another body where there is hope, happiness and life.

Its your life

Last night my wife and myself were having a casual chat. On being asked what I would like my daughter to be and how I would handle her when she grows up, my answer was straight from my heart,
"Co-incidentally, fortunately or unfortunately, by default, I am your father and you are my daughter. But that does not give me the right to take control of your life. Its your life. GOD has given a life to everybody. I have mine, which I try to make the most of. HE has given one to you - its GOD's gift to you.
"You decide how you will take care of the gift. So that one day when you look back, you should not repent, feeling you have wasted the opportunity.
"After all, at the end of the day, you should take decision of and control on your life. One day you have to learn how to survive alone in this world. You should be able to find happiness for yourself. And I dont know which path will bring you that. There is no singular way to achieve this. Do it the way you think brings you the pleasure. Follow your heart. Dont ignore your brain. Dont think what others will be thinking about you. Believe me, thats a complete waste of time and energy.
"Above all, Be honest with yourself. Be truthful to soul. You can fool everyone in the world, but not yourself.
"Remember, Its YOUR life...live it like you always wanted to!"

Mental strength versus physical strength

Some journeys change your life. The one from Haridwar to Auli changed mine. I discovered our civilisation, myself on the way. One program, especially one scene from the program, in National Geographic about 2-3 years back on the course of the Ganga river also had a deep impact on me. The scene where the Gangotri was shown - a place that can be aptly called heaven.
My wish to see the Goumukh has been increasing by the day. My only apprehension is the trek - the walk - around 50 km in 4-5 days. I know I will be pushing myself to the limits. I would be testing my physical and mental capabilities to test in search for a spiritual world.
But its definitely worth going there...leaving all the physical apprehensions behind. There should not be any looking back.

Too candid

Last Saturday, I had a very candid discussion with dad.
But at the end of the more than 2-hour exchange of thoughts, I thought perhaps it would have been better had I not said everything.
Some things are best left unsaid, unattended. The wound would heal automatically.Talking about the wound actually does more damage to it. You re-live the wound and everybody is in pains! 

Staying awake the whole night for football!

Football has never been my favourite sport. In fact,it is one sport where I admittedly did not play well.
In this year's FIFA World Cup final the two finalists - Argentina and Germany - are very different from mine.
And yet I almost stayed awake the whole cheering my once favourite team - Argentina. What really made me do so? I am still searching for the answer. 

My inlet and outlet problem!

Illness, disease seems to have certain preferences for certain people. My grandmother used to complain of headaches. Headaches when she eat garlic, headaches when she drinks tea after 5 in the evening etc. My uncle used to complain about waist pain. Waist pain while getting up, while lifting something. It seemed waist pain had a special liking for him, just as the headache had for my grandmother.
For me its asthma and hemorrhoids. These two take turns to keep me busy. When the inlet pipe is under control, the outlet pipe makes its presence felt and vice versa. Can they just mind their own business and spare me from the horror?

Being a father

Fell in love; got married.
Then there came a time when we had to plan for a family. I was truly apprehensive about my capabilities of being a good father. I did not know what I should do to serve the responsibilities of a good father. Someone whom your son/daughter would always bank upon and look up - a safety net in the true sense.
I know how I can be a good friend. Thats what I try to be with my now five-year-old daughter. I dont think I am doing a bad job till now.
But, only time and my daughter will tell how good or bad I have been doing. And thats in a distant future from today when I will neither be able to rewind to these days nor start all over again.

Rabindranath Tagore

A person who truly has captured each and every emotion a human being can possibly have. Ever since I have been reading his translated works, I am so amazed. Its sad I lost touch with the Bengali works. Otherwise I would have read his Bengali works and not the translated ones.
Like most Bengalis who vouch on him, I find myself in the same boat.

Resigned

Rajdeep Sardesai and Sagarika Ghose are two journalists I haves been following closely, tanks to their blogs and role as anchors on IBN Live. They founded the company nine years back. Today I heard that they have resigned from the company. Its like telling the parents not to meet their children, whom they have raised with sweat and blood. The resignation comes as the company has changed hands and new management has been sworn in.
I wonder whether the companies really care for us? Whatever they say or do, at the end of the day, I am just an employee id to it.I am far from being indispensable.
I work to earn money and live a life that I want to. An email appreciation, an applaud in front of colleagues may be beautiful moments. But thousands of even more beautiful moments are sacrificed to get these.
Question is:Are you ready to make the sacrifice those thousand moments for one?
I would rather lead a life where I work towards finding the inner peace than wasting it by trying to prove something to others. I live for myself, not to hear other clap.At the end of the journey I would ask myself whether I lived the way I wanted to or the way others wanted?

Aging?

I don't feel I am growing old, except on two occasions:
One: Seeing my daughter grow taller and talking more sense...She is so full of life!
Two: When I see my father counting the days in the forth stage of cancer and talking of death.

Nature's own way of bringing in fresh blood and getting rid of the old.
The same principle based on which dried and dead leaves fall of the branch and new green ones occupy their place.